(Welcome back to Undercard Supermarket, where our degenerate staff members tell me what they’re consuming for the hand-to-hand combat we’ll be watching on the moving picture boxes, and then I judge them from on high.)

 

Connor Dillon: 

 

(Obviously Connor’s thinking…actually I don’t know WHAT the hell he’s thinking.  Are you feeling alright, CD?  Do you have shingles?  Are you wearing a blanket on your lap like FDR?  Stay warm, Connor.  Warm and heavily caffeinated.)

 

Chris Diaz:

 

(The Clown Prince of Undercard keeps the standard of his micros tip-top notch.  Look at the color of those two brews.  Delicious!  Diaz keeps the bar high.  Luckily, Bernier is just around the corner to lower it.)

 

Tim Bernier:

 

(Tim apologized for such a boring entry, but good god, Tim, compared to last week’s fermented drink and culinary abortion, this might as well be dinner at Spago.  We’re all very happy you survived last weekend’s escapades no worse for wear and nothing Campus Health can’t clear up with some cream.)

 

Nolan Howell:

 

(Nolan is now fighting for SUPA PROTEIN LEEG!  WHITE RICE!  CHICKEN!  BEEF!  …..Diet Mountain Dew?  His heart is in the right place.  He’s most certainly not on the Dolce.)

 

Daniel Galvan:

 

(Just to clarify, Dan is mixing all those things together on his popcorn.  Yes, “I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter” on his pre-buttered popcorn.  So everything is going onto his kernels.  Except the tea.  Actually, fuck it, the tea might be going on too.  Dan’s not playing with a full deck.)

 

Josh Hall:

 

(Everything you need to know about Josh Hall can be summarized in the first line of his email to me.  ”After getting hammered at the rodeo, I’m gonna take it pretty easy.”  Pretty much says it all right there, doesn’t it?  Taking it easy for Josh is a shit-ton of Moo Shu Pork and many Torpedos.  I’ve never been so proud.)

 

Tim Hickey:

 

(Tim is going to be at a party…allegedly, and this is what he’ll be drinking…allegedly.  Look at that thing, it looks like a logo for a semi-pro hockey team from Manitoba or a cologne that smells like leaves.  Canada’s weird.)

 

Luke Irwin:

 

(Keeping it light and foul-smelling tonight with pickle rollups, the best finger food ever, and the insanely underrated hot sweet and sour cabbage.  Bad Boy.  Can’t stop.  Won’t stop.  Of course, the BV and Diet Pepsi tops it off, as it should for every night o’ fights.  Enjoy Fuel, all 19 people that get it!  WAR CARMOU…I mean…err…WAR TATE/ZINGANO!)